Scrutiny

Scrutiny really pisses me off. 

I know most people don't do it intentionally. In most cases, it's meant to be "constructive". And sometimes, it's an open mouth, insert foot moment, that you can tell they immediately regret. Usually too, it's people who just don't "get it". Like the (amazingly strong) 90 year old lady at the nursing home who wanted W to apologize and wouldn't let go of a death grip on his arm until I explained, "He's mentally handicapped" (this was earlier last year- the only time I've ever said that- and I regret it to this day).

But I mean, really, who does "get it"? Do I? What is it like to live in Waylon's brain? Deep down, is he as carefree as an eight year old should be? Or does he battle with autism everyday? 

Maybe I should be harder on him. But maybe his life is hard enough?

So the thing is, usually, I really don't care about your scrutiny. I just let it fall on deaf ears. I shrug my shoulders and think, "Darling, you wouldn't last a day."

So why do I let it it piss me off so much sometimes?

Perhaps it is because, like a person molding a clay vase, I have spent my entire adult life molding my children. And just like you wouldn't tell an artist, "Boy, your vase looks like shit", I really don't want to hear your opinions on how to discipline my kid when he is acting out. (Exception: if you have a degree in child psychology or behavioral pediatrics, I'll take all the help I can get. Just as you'd welcome Monet's suggestions for your shitty art).

Perhaps too, it's because as much as I want Waylon to be treated equally and I don't want to admit that there could be anything "wrong" with him, the plain truth is- he has a disability. He has to go through his day flapping his arms and beating himself in the head and not being able to speak. And I just think that you'd be a lot less critical of his behaviors if you were required to spend your entire day flapping your arms and beating yourself in the head and not being able to speak. 

And maybe, just maybe, the reason that I hate scrutiny so much, is because I am also working really hard to teach my other three children to be respectful human beings. And when you show disrespect to any of God's children, let alone a child with special needs, I just want to bend you over my knee and spank your disrespectful butt.

Rant over. 

…...............................................

Dear Travis, 

Please bring home wine and chocolate today. Oh, and beans for the hambone. And milk.

Love, 

Your crazy wife

…...............................................

^ dead serious.