thankful

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But sometimes it's hard when my prayers are so heavy, Lord. How am I supposed to give thanks?

We pray for our friends down the road whose preschool grandsons shouldn't even know that there are such things as chemo and radiation. 

We pray for the high school football player from one county over, who's at St. Jude's right now, starting an aggressive cancer treatment plan.

And our hearts are heavy and our prayers are continuous for a local community, who held a prayer vigil last night for a toddler who never got to take her first steps.

I wish I didn't have to be, but today, Lord, I am thankful for autism.

A Manly Katzer Haiku

Waylon's behavior improved enough last week that he was able to participate in his classroom activities a little more. I had forgotten how much I missed seeing his sweet handwriting come home in his backpack, during this time that he has been struggling to stay in his classroom, let alone complete school work.

I know I'm a bit behind, but I just had to share this gem that he brought home last week. To some this may just look like a handwriting worksheet, but to me it looks like he's written a manly haiku of sorts. 

I like to call it The Katzer Mantra.

I eat pizza.

I eat chips.

Katzer.

(Like Shakespeare or Bon Jovi, Waylon obviously feels that writing his first name is unnecessary.)

My tank runneth over

I'll just say it: This has been, by far, the most difficult year of autism we've experienced thus far.

Major behavior changes have brought weekly team meetings, medication changes, new doctors, new therapists, and two exhausted parents.

Today, a need for some free wi-fi (and Rose Mary and Caden's begging) brought us to the library after school. Yes- Waylon's first trip to the library in years. 

I sat in the parking lot and gave everyone the shpeel: be quiet, behave, 2 books each, no arguing. Waylon and I strategically waited in the library's front hall, alone (except for the free wi-fi and the Walter family- neither of which pass any judgment) while the others checked out their books.

Momma Walter said "Wow! Waylon is doing so good!" and I was like
Holy Crap she's right!

We chatted for a bit with the Walter fam, we sat in the window seats and sang songs, we looked at the art, he licked the Beatrix Potter display.

It felt so... normal.
Just a mom and her freaking adorable kid chilling in the library.

A new BCBA (that's fancy for behavior therapist) came to the house last week. He said to pretend that Waylon has an "attention gauge" on his shirt... and when the gauge looks like it's about half-full we should go ahead and fill up his tank- by sitting down with him and giving his favorite deep hugs and singing his favorite songs, before the gauge becomes dangerously close to empty (meltdown time). Brilliant! Right?!

Well, I realized that these past few months have left my tank dangerously close to empty. The new behaviors have nearly zapped my strength and my sanity. I was so busy worrying about the kids, and making phone calls, and filling out paperwork, I didn't realize that my gauge was running low.
Today, Waylon filled up my tank.

Now my tank will start to empty again (actually I think I lost 1/4 of a tank between 4:00 and 5:00 tonight) and I will have to find ways to fill it back up.

And you know, here's the thing: although our date nights are very important, and our time at work being "normal people" is important, and being able to crush candy at 10pm in a silent house is important, that's actually not what fills up my tank. That's survival stuff. 

Love. That's what fills up my tank. Love.

Today, Waylon- my boy who can't talk, and can't hardly look at me, and mostly screams, showed me love.

My tank runneth over. 

The day I took 5,429 selfies

Things that happened on Friday, February 27th, 2015 (a day for the record books).

1. I took a shower alone with no one else in my house, for 20 minutes (and *gasp* I shaved my legs).

2. IT WAS A GOOD HAIR DAY.

3. I put on eyeliner and mascara for the first time in YEARS. (I shuddered when I thought about all of the bacteria that has been living on the eyeliner pen that I dug out of the drawer... But I put it on anyways. No pink eye yet.)

4. As a direct result of 1,2, and 3- I took approximately 5,429 selfies.

5. Oh, and I also co-hosted a standup comedy benefit in front of over 300 people.

Friday, February 27th, 2015 was incredible. 

Inspirational. 

Therapeutic. 

I am so so proud of the 11 very brave parents of children with autism who took the stage to tell their stories. I think what the dashing young co-host with the incredibly good hair and clean shaven legs actually said was, "These parents are setting aside society's notion of 'having it all together', in order to give us a glimpse of the highs and the lows, and the frankly hilarious moments of their lives."

And that they did.

And while I am very proud that we raised $7000 for Camp Encourage, I am also overwhelmingly proud of the awareness and acceptance and laughter that we created for the autism community.

Friday, February 27th, 2015 was a day that I celebrated a very special boy, who has autism, and has stolen my heart-- and sanity.