Having an hour commute gave my brain plenty "me" time. I had nowhere to be in that moment, no one to answer to, no one who needed my attention- I could just let my mind wander (as long as I could keep the mini-van between the white and yellow lines). And as much as I don't miss the hour long commute, I miss that time.
You see, this weekend, I had a nervous breakdown.
Well, clinically it was probably more of a grandiose pity party. But I'm pretty sure my husband thought it was a legit nervous breakdown. I'd rather not go into details, but there were plenty of things that "didn't go my way" this weekend that I could blame. Truth is, when it comes down to it, I'm pretty sure the whole thing was the direct result of a serious lack of "me" time.
Here's the thing: you can't give your all to others 24/7 if you don't give your all to yourself a little bit of the time.
Now I'm not going AWOL, I don't need committed, and I don't even think I need to leave for a week in the Bahamas or anything (although I probably would have taken a mimosa and a plane ride to anywhere in the thick of things this weekend). I'm just saying I need to spend some time each day giving my brain a break. Like coffee at the kitchen table instead of as I'm running out the door. Maybe I need to put down the Candy Crush and just gaze into my baby's eyes during early morning feedings. Maybe I just need to turn off onto a gravel road and take the long way home from work once a week. Lately, I haven't even had time for a good, long, mind-wandering shower. It needs to happen.
So, after I went ballistic in the church parking lot Sunday morning (at my best calculation I think there were only two innocent bystanders, P.T.L) I calmly sent my husband and children away, and Lucy and I (she's the only one who wasn't staring at me like I was off the rocker) went shopping. There's nothing wrong with a little good old fashioned retail therapy. We wandered Target for hours on end. Bought those jeans at Maurice's who's pricetag makes my eyes water. Ate lunch at 3:30 in the afternoon with not another sole in Jimmy John's (except the hipster delivery boys singing the Beatles). We went to visit our old pals on 2E at OMC. And then, we took the long gravel road home.
I think it's ok for a good solid pity party every now and then, so long as you pull your head out of it pretty quickly and get over yourself. And on the long, relaxxxing, mind-clearing drive home, I think I got His message loud and clear:
"Ok, Lindy, you made your point. The sun always shines after the rain. There is a beautiful little family who loves you very much waiting for you at home. Now pull your head out and get there."
Here's the thing: you can't give your all to others 24/7 if you don't give your all to yourself a little bit of the time.
Now I'm not going AWOL, I don't need committed, and I don't even think I need to leave for a week in the Bahamas or anything (although I probably would have taken a mimosa and a plane ride to anywhere in the thick of things this weekend). I'm just saying I need to spend some time each day giving my brain a break. Like coffee at the kitchen table instead of as I'm running out the door. Maybe I need to put down the Candy Crush and just gaze into my baby's eyes during early morning feedings. Maybe I just need to turn off onto a gravel road and take the long way home from work once a week. Lately, I haven't even had time for a good, long, mind-wandering shower. It needs to happen.
So, after I went ballistic in the church parking lot Sunday morning (at my best calculation I think there were only two innocent bystanders, P.T.L) I calmly sent my husband and children away, and Lucy and I (she's the only one who wasn't staring at me like I was off the rocker) went shopping. There's nothing wrong with a little good old fashioned retail therapy. We wandered Target for hours on end. Bought those jeans at Maurice's who's pricetag makes my eyes water. Ate lunch at 3:30 in the afternoon with not another sole in Jimmy John's (except the hipster delivery boys singing the Beatles). We went to visit our old pals on 2E at OMC. And then, we took the long gravel road home.
"Ok, Lindy, you made your point. The sun always shines after the rain. There is a beautiful little family who loves you very much waiting for you at home. Now pull your head out and get there."
