Well remember when I said I'm a planner? One of the many annoying things about autism is that it changed my plans. I was sitting in a support group once listening to an expecting mom describe her fears of having another child with autism, and I knew then that my plans had changed. We went to a genetics clinic and we read all the research. We found out that autism has a genetic component. Although we know a couple of families who have more than one child with autism and do it gracefully (albeit I'm sure they don't feel that way), the thought of Waylon The Sequel scares the hajeebies out of me. I love him, God loves him, heck most everyone he's ever met loves him, but one of him is enough.
So I have discovered that God waits for those moments, when He hears us say, "We have a plan" to really throw a wrench in the system.
Well, I don't know if I can necessarily call it a wrench. According to the sonogram last month, it looks more like a gummy bear.
(Insert "don't you know how that happens" joke here.)
So even though my mind had come to a practical and rational decision, I can't say that my heart's not just downright giddy with excitement. I've wanted this baby since, well probably since I was about 10. Sure I'm scared, but it's too late to spend time worrying now. I called the obstetrician, the developmental pediatrician, I've googled "prenatal autism prevention" more times than you can shake a stick at... and do you know what they all say? Don't worry so much.
If we had known Waylon had autism before Rose Mary was born, would we have had second thoughts? What would our lives be like without her? I don't even care to think about it.
I think in a couple of years we won't even remember what life was like before the gummy bear. Because I think it will be perfect. Just the way He planned.
I count my blessings and thank God for each of them daily. And I firmly, and probably selfishly, believe that He has blessed me more than most. -from I'm a planner.
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